Please note the image above, which is the opening (exposition) to a narrative.

An effective exposition needs to:

• Establish setting
• Introduce the reader to the main character(s)- the protagonist
• Establish mood, tone
• Get the reader asking questions which draw them into the narrative
• Suggest potential conflict

SO… let’s look at the model above and what it tries to do:

• The opening sentence uses the verb ‘struggled’ to describe the sun. This could be considered personification but it suggests that the sun is having some degree of difficulty in rising. Is it winter? Does the narrative take place where it’s usually cold?
• The ‘craggy horizon’ suggests that the narrative is taking place in a mountain range or near a cliff. The adjective ‘craggy’ is doing a lot work here.
• The boys rise ‘gingerly’ to their feet. The adverb ‘gingerly’ evokes a sense that the boys are tired/exhausted or that they’re struggling. The reader is invited to ask why this might be the case. The adverb also echoes the struggling sun in the first sentence.
• The kestrel (a bird of prey and threatening in itself) is ‘perched malevolently’. The combination of verb and adverb is vaguely threatening.
• The ‘makeshift camp’ adds more context to where the boys are but we’re invited to question why they’re there. Why is it ‘makeshift’? It suggests they’ve not been there long, won’t stay long and are on their way to somewhere else? Why? Where? How?

In other words, there’s a lot going on in those few sentences, which set the tone for the narrative to sustain. Hopefully the reader would want to know more about the boys, their fate, the role of the ominous kestrel… We’re a couple of sentences in and we’re already into the world of the text.

When you write your narratives, aim to engage your reader as quickly as you can. Your eventual grade will depend on the quality of your exposition.

Please note the attached image, which is a deconstruction of the question in the middle.

I’ve used the SCSA syllabus (https://senior-secondary.scsa.wa.edu.au/__data/assets/pdf_file/0003/576705/English-Y12-Syllabus-AC-ATAR-GD.PDF) to help me deconstruct this question. Please refer to this document as much as possible in the run-up to your Semester and tACE examinations.

The question deconstruction is written in blue and the my thoughts in relation to the text are written in green. My ideas on what each body paragraph might contain are written in orange. Please note that there are multiple ways in which you might answer answer this question and these are only my thoughts.

You will also note that my annotations in green directly address the three key components of the question; the ways, the particular groups and the way in which those are presented in aa particular way.

Please note this blog post is based on an extract from Mother Says by Craig Ensor. The short story is attached.

Here is my response, which is incomplete:

Question:

How are language features used to construct the voice of the narrator in Text 1?

Through the use of powerful verbs and personification, the voice of the narrator in Text 1 is constructed as determined and focused.

The first sentence establishes the determination of the narrator, who is going to ‘pierce’ their ears. The verb here suggests pain which is contrasted in the next sentence by the assurance that they’ll ‘feel better’ about themselves as a result. The age of the narrator is perhaps revealed by the simile in which they describe the dots drawn on their ears as looking like ‘unsqueezed blackheads’ and their apprehension is further developed by the personification of the needle which ‘panics’ in their hand. Despite this reticence, Ensor continues to use powerful verbs to show the narrator’s determination. The needle is pushed through the earlobe and the flesh ‘tears’. This verb is significant for two reasons; firstly, it suggests the damage the narrator has done, but it also suggests the focus and determination to complete the process, despite the pain suggested by the language.

Here are my teaching and learning points and things to note:

• The first sentence acts as a thesis statement. It is short, concise and focused. It offers a direct response to the question and confirms I’ve read and understood it.
• Note the short quotations that have been used. There are several quotations and the longest one is two words. You will not be efficient in your exam if you are having to copy out large tracts of text. A short quotation also produces more focused analysis.
• There is very little plot narration. Assume that your examiner is familiar with the text.
• There is no repetition of ideas. I make a point and then move onto a different one. You will lose marks in your exam if you repeat yourself and summarise comments already made.
• There is reference to specific language features.
• The response attempts to link these language features to show how they all develop a central idea about the narrator.
• Note the use of the phrase ‘their apprehension is further developed’ which links one language feature with another.
• Note that I’ve also modelled how one language feature works on multiple levels. In other words, the text has layers of meaning. Always look for the potential that a language feature is doing more than one job.

• There are no hard and fast rules about structuring your responses;
• Some students choose to write a very brief introduction in the form of a thesis statement at the start. I would encourage you to do this because it helps focus your ideas into something that is cohesive and controlled;
• You are advised against writing a conclusion in a short answer response. As conclusions act as a summary, you won’t be rewarded for saying the same thing twice. You will actually lose marks for repetition.
• Usually, you would write one lengthy paragraph in which you LINK specific textual/visual features and demonstrate your comprehension of the text/image you are writing about. Some students choose to write two or three shorter paragraphs that split their response into several aspects. Either way is FINE as long as you write CLEARLY and SUCCINCTLY

Comprehending Mother Says

ANNOTATED Mother Says Extract