Sizzling Starts- Creating Narrative Hooks

Here is an example of the opening of piece of narrative writing. Make sure you read the text carefully AND the annotations in red.


 

Here are my teaching and learning points:

 

  • I SHOW my reader the time of day but I don’t TELL them.
  • I give SOME information about my persona but I’ve not said a great deal as I want the reader to ask themselves some questions as to who is telling them the story.
  • I describe setting and create a mood of calmness but also loneliness.
  • I introduce the theme of loneliness and isolation.
  • I hint at there being a language barrier.
  • I imply that the person telling the story has recently arrived in Australia but I don’t TELL the reader that.
  • I establish a contrast between where the persona is from and where they are living now.

 

Hopefully the reader will want to know, by reading on, if:

 

  • The persona DOES learn the language and becomes more familiar with life in Australia.
  • Whether their isolation is permanent or temporary.
  • Where they are from and the reasons for moving to Australia.
  • What other challenges they may face.

 

Keep in mind that you are writing something that will engage and entertain your reader and you need to keep them in mind while you’re writing.

Short Story Openings

Here is a selection of short story openings. Have a read and see if you can work out how these openings try and interest the reader.

 

At Seventeen- Sheila Morehead

The youth shivered as the cool breeze flicked around his body and blew through his sea-bleached hair. His eyes, darkly blue as the glowering sky above, turned continually to the heaving surf.

There was no one else on the windswept beach. Inside his mind a voice was talking to him and that voice was his own soul and it was all the companionship necessary to him.

 

 

Listen to the End- Tony Hunter

A flurry of wind sent the brown leaves tumbling end over end ahead of her along the dark, glistening pavement. Thin, cold drizzle, driven by the wind wrapped a clammy embrace round her hurrying figure and swirls of mist danced beckoningly around the street lamps, transmuting their normally friendly beacons into baleful yellow eyes. The tall Victorian houses frowned down disapprovingly on the small figure in the bright red raincoat as if the bright splash of colour offended their staid and sombre tastes.

She quickened her pace, head bent, dark hair plastered damply across a pale face, heels beating out a staccato rhythm that took off with the promise of an echo only to be swallowed by the all-pervading mist, thickening now as it rolled up from the river. The paper bag of groceries, dampened by mist and rain, threatened once more to disgorge its contents and she shifted the grip of her arms, clutching it even more tightly to her breast carrying it before her like a shield against the dark.

 

 

A Sound of Thunder- Ray Bradbury

The sign on the wall seemed to quaver under a film of sliding warm water. Eckels felt his eyelids blink over his stare, and the sign burned in this momentary darkness:

TIME SAFARI, INC.
SAFARIS TO ANY YEAR IN THE PAST.
YOU NAME THE ANIMAL.
WE TAKE YOU THERE.
YOU SHOOT IT.

Warm phlegm gathered in Eckels’ throat; he swallowed and pushed it down. The muscles around his mouth formed a smile as he put his hand slowly out upon the air, and in that hand waved a check for ten thousand dollars to the man behind the desk.

“Does this safari guarantee I come back alive?”

 

 

The Murderer- Ray Bradbury

 

Music moved with him in the white halls. He passed an office door: “The

Merry Widow Waltz.”  Another door:  “Afternoon of a Faun.” A third: “Kiss Me Again.”  He turned into a cross corridor:  “The Sword Dance” buried him in cymbals, drums, pots, pans, knives, forks, thunder, and tin lightning. All washed away as he hurried through an anteroom where a secretary sat nicely stunned by Beethoven’s Fifth. He moved himself before her eyes like a hand. She didn’t see him.

His wrist radio buzzed.

“Yes?”

“This is Lee, Dad. Don’t forget about my allowance.”

“Yes, son, yes. I’m busy.”

 

 

Lamb to the Slaughter- Roald Dahl

 

THE ROOM WAS WARM and clean, the curtains drawn, the two table lamps alight – hers and the one by the empty chair opposite. On the sideboard behind her, two tall glasses, soda water, whisky. Fresh ice cubes in the Thermos bucket. Mary Maloney was waiting for her husband to come home from work. Now and again she would glance up at the clock, but without anxiety, merely to please herself with the thought that each minute gone by made it nearer the time when he would come. There was a slow smiling air about her, and about everything she did. The drop of the head as she bent over her sewing was curiously tranquil. Her skin – for this was her sixth month with child – had acquired a wonderful translucent quality, the mouth was soft, and the eyes, with their new placid look, seemed larger, darker than before.

When the clock said ten minutes to five, she began to listen, and a few moments later, punctually as always, she heard the tires on the gravel outside, and the car door slamming, the footsteps passing the window, the key turning in the lock. She laid aside her sewing, stood up, and went forward to kiss him as he came in.

‘Hullo, darling,’ she said, ‘Hullo,’ he answered.

 

 

You Are Now Entering the Human Heart- Janet Frame

 

I looked at the notice. I wondered if I had time before my train left Philadelphia for Baltimore in one hour. The heart, ceiling high, occupied one corner of the large exhibition hall, and from wherever you stood in the hall, you could hear it beating, thum-thump-thum-thump. It was a popular exhibit, and sometimes, when there were too many children about, the entrance had to be roped off, as the children loved to race up and down the blood vessels and match their cries to the heart’s beating. I could see that the heart had already been punished for the day—the floor of the blood vessel was worn and dusty, the chamber walls were covered with marks, and the notice “You Are Now Taking the Path of a Blood Cell Through the Human Heart” hung askew. I wanted to see more of the Franklin Institute and the Natural Science Museum across the street, but a journey through the human heart would be fascinating. Did I have time?

Short Story Structure

Please use the PDF below to help structure your Task 2 creative response:

 

Short Story Structure-26i341l

 

Things we need to look for:

 

  • The COMPONENTS of a short story is an important bit. This tells us the basic structure we’ll need to use and this is what we’ll need to focus on.
  • When we describe the SETTING at the start, we’ll need to make sure we describe it in an INTERESTING way to make our reader want to read on. We’ll call this the NARRATIVE HOOK.
  • When we’re thinking about the CHARACTERS, we need to limit the number to no more than three. Any more than that and it gets confusing.
  • You’ll need to introduce a CONFLICT or DILEMMA (a PROBLEM) as early as possible. This is a very good way of getting the attention of your reader. Something DRAMATIC has to happen. This could be an issue that the PERSONA of your story has to deal with in the place where your story is set. This obviously depends on the persona and the setting.
  • The PROBLEM has to be responded to in some way. This is where your story starts building up to the CLIMAX of the narrative.
  • The CLIMAX is where the tension is at its highest. The reader is desperate to find out how the CONFLICT has been sorted out/resolved.
  • The RESOLUTION is the ending of the story. This could be a ‘happy ever after’, it could be a twist in the tale/something unexpected or it could be left as a cliffhanger. You’ll need to decide what’s best for you and your story.

 

These are my main teaching and learning points for today’s lesson and you’ll need to look at your planning and make sure your planning includes this structure.

 

In tomorrow’s lesson, I’ll show you how to write an effective opening to a narrative, which I’ll post to the class blog.

This Week in English…

This week, we will be making sure our planning for Task 2 is completed and that we’re all ready to begin writing the first draft of our creative response.

Please make sure you bring all the planning documents with you to your lessons this week.

If you are on external VET, all the lessons have been posted on SEQTA for this week.

In class, we are going to explore:

 

  • The generic structure for a short story.
  • The generic structure for diary entries.
  • How to gain the interest of your reader.
  • How to use language/words to create a persona.
  • How to create an effective setting.

 

I’m going to model the START of a creative response for you and you’re going to use that to help you write your own.

Come and find me if you have any questions.

Task 2- Assessment Information- Resources and Planning Booklet

Please use the resources and planning booklet (attached below) to prepare for your next assessment- Task 2.

 

Task 2 Planning Booklet Year 11 General-1uvcern

Please note that Task 2 requires you to adopt a persona (that means writing as someone else) who was either born in Australia or has migrated here. It is a creative written response and you will write either a short story or a series of diary entries.

The booklet contains the following texts and resources:

  • The short story ‘Fish and Chips’ by Archie Weller.
  • A series of diary entries from a ‘Pom’ who has migrated to Karratha, Australia.
  • Migrant stories from very different people who have migrated to Australia to live.
  • The task sheet. Please note that the submission date is Week 9.
  • Marking key.
  • Planning documentation.

Your creative response will need to be set in a rural location and will need to explore some of the issues involved in living in places like that. While we will read these texts in class, there is an expectation that you are also reading them in your own time and completing the tasks as directed.

This booklet is particularly important for those of you who have external VET and are absent from school on particular days. There is an expectation that you are working through this booklet in order to catch up on any missed work.

Please see your class teacher for any clarification as required.

Way Out West- The Dingoes

Lyrics

Way out west where the rain don’t fall
Got a job with the company
Drilling for oil
Just to make some change
Living and a’working on the land
I quit my job and I left my wife
Headed out west for a brand new life
Just to get away
Living and a’working on the land
What a change it’s been
From working that nine to five
How strange it’s been
At last I get the feeling that I’m really alive
They give you a house made of fibro cement
You don’t need no money
‘Cause you don’t pay no rent
And it’s Oh so cheap
Living and a’working on the land
La la La la La la
La la La la la La la La la
La la La la la La la La la la
Living and a’working on the land
La la La la la La la La la
La la La la la La la La la la
Living and a’working on the land
There’s nothing much to do on a Saturday night
But get into some booze
Or maybe a fight
‘Cause it’s tough out here
Living and a’working on the land
What a change it’s been
From working that nine to five
How strange it’s been
At last I get the feeling that I’m really alive
Way out west where the rain don’t fall
Got a job with a company drilling for oil
And I’m never gonna leave
Living and a’working on the land
La la La la la La la La la
La la La la la La la La la la
Living and a’working on the land

Life in a Rural Australian Town- Some Resources

Resource List: