Please use the comments below (and the individual comments on your work once it’s returned to you) to set targets and prepare effectively for your Semester 1 examination. Note that these comments can be equally applied to any question on any text and aren’t restricted to High Noon or The Dressmaker.

In effect, these comments work for ALL questions and ALL texts in the Responding Section of your ATAR examination.

Use them to re-write responses, to work formatively, to set targets.

Task 4- Responding (Comparative)

 Please note the comments below and use them to set personal targets in advance of your Semester 1 examination.

Strengths

• Where responses were at their most successful, there was a clear focus on all elements of the question, there was sufficient focus on specific scenes and/or characters, there was an appreciation of how they were constructed and how their construction invited a specific response from a viewer.
• Effective responses were characterised by sophisticated academic discourse, strong thesis statements, topic sentences which logically and cohesively extended from the thesis statement and backed up by a confident knowledge of the texts.
• Effective responses were detailed and sustained. While the most effective responses won’t always be the longest ones, there is an expectation that an extended response is precisely that.
• The most effective responses demonstrated a competent understanding of how these extended responses will be assessed.

Areas for Development

• Spell titles of texts correctly. High Noon and The Dressmaker. Spell the names of characters correctly. It doesn’t inspire confidence in your response if you make avoidable errors such as these. Underline titles of texts please.
• Refer to the genre of each text in your introduction.
• I got the impression from some responses that the understanding and engagement with each text was very limited.
• Establish strong links in your introduction by using the appropriate discourse markers.
• Topic sentences should be focused and should build on the clear and focused argument promoted by the thesis statement.
• Mise en scene (translated: everything that’s in a scene) is an umbrella term for a host of specific features in a visual text. You’re better off being more specific (props, costumes, framing, posture, facial expression etc) and exploring how different elements combine to position a response from a viewer.
• The most effective responses were those that offered a focused analysis of specific scenes/points in each text and then explored how the construction of these invited a specific response from the viewer.
• It’s important to explore the function of these texts and how their construction is used to promote particular ideas about the context of production.
• ‘Viewer’ is a more appropriate term, rather than ‘audience’. It implies a more analytical approach, rather than the more general ‘audience’. You can also use the term ‘When reading this text, …’ which also invites an active engagement with the text rather than a more passive ‘viewing’.
• The Dressmaker isn’t a Western. It is a revenge comedy which borrows from the Western genre.
• While context (particularly the context of production) is important, you mustn’t allow yourself to become side-tracked by it. When that happens, you lose sight of the texts themselves which can lead to a rather superficial response.
• Academic discourse, the language you use to establish and develop your argument, should be sophisticated. Quite a few responses could be considered too informal in the ways in which points about each text were addressed.
• It’s essential that you establish a clear and unambiguous argument in your thesis statement which is then developed in a clear and logical manner through your topic sentences. In many responses, the lack of a clear thesis statement in relation to both texts and question, lead to an unfocused and largely general treatment of each text. In other words, if you fail to get your introduction right, the success of your response is compromised at this point.
• General character and plot overview will not get you across the line in ATAR English. You need to be able to demonstrate that characters are constructed, and it is their construction which promotes particular attitudes and values, invites a specific response from the audience and is, in many cases, a reflection on the context in which the text was produced.
• Some responses were far too brief.
• Question 3 asked you to explore how the texts appeal to ‘certain audiences’. The most effective responses defined who those ‘certain audiences’ were. However, less effective responses treated the concept of audiences in a very general manner. This was a key discriminator in the responses to this question.
• Some body paragraphs were quite limited in scope. There were opportunities to extend/develop your ideas and in many cases, these simply weren’t taken. Your argument and insight into the texts needs to be detailed and sophisticated.
• Body paragraph 1 needs to promote your strongest argument, ideally.

Year 12 ATAR English

Task 4 Preparation- Formative Comments

Please note the observations below to target-set and to consider ways in which you might improve your performance in your Task 4 assessment this week.

Areas for Development- Content

• The titles of the texts are High Noon and The Dressmaker. No other variations are acceptable, and it doesn’t inspire confidence in your examiner if you spell the titles of the texts incorrectly. Please note that the titles are underlined.
• The Dressmaker was DIRECTED by Jocelyn Moorhouse and was RELEASED in 2015. . Please use this link to spell the names of characters correctly: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2910904/
• High Noon was DIRECTED by Fred Zinnemann and was RELEASED in 1952.
• High Noon belongs to the Western genre. Please use this link to spell the names of characters correctly: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0044706/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1
• The Dressmaker does not belong to the Western genre. It is a revenge comedy BUT it borrows heavily from the Western genre.
• Spell archetype and stereotype correctly.
• Power and status and connected and are features of the largely patriarchal society constructed by both texts. Kane’s power comes from his status as a (former) marshal, his gender in a patriarchal society, the symbolism of his tin star, the phallic symbolism of the gun. Tilly’s power largely comes from the weaponization of her dresses, while she has no power or status beyond that.
• If you’re writing about Helen Ramirez, she is a femme fatale and if you’re writing about Amy Kane, she is a damsel in distress. You’ve got this information already but relatively few people chose to use it.
• Please use all the resources on the ATAR English blog to help guide your reading of these texts. There is a wealth of information on there, which would add sophistication to your insight.

Areas for Development- Writing About the Texts

• Introduction structure still needs some work. Your thesis statement is your overall argument, which is then broken down into your topic sentences which should develop this argument in a clear and unambiguous manner. The global sentence should go beyond stating the entirely obvious.
• Your introduction should use the key words from the question to signpost the relevance of your response to the demands of the question.
• Many responses dealt with the texts too generally and acted, in effect, like plot/character summaries with little insight into specific scenes, how these were constructed and how the construction might position/invite a specific response from the viewer.
• Some students need to revise effective body paragraph structure.
• Avoid vague statements like ‘this has an effect on the viewer’ (for ex) without saying what that effect is, how it was constructed, in what part/section/scene of the text and how that might invite a specific response.
• Topic sentences need to establish a clear argument.
• Body paragraph structure needs some work. Remember that the structure of a body paragraph doesn’t change for a comparative response.
• Discourse, in some responses, wasn’t particularly sophisticated. You need to sound like you know what you’re talking about in a sophisticated and controlled manner.
• While you do need to add some context, some responses were characterised by rather too much of it. One or two short sentences (at most) would be sufficient. Some responses contained too much and this led to responses which were very general.
• Remember to use clear discourse markers to transition between your texts, particularly in your topic sentences where you switch to writing about a different text.
• There is an effective structure on the Year 12 English blog for you to follow. Please use it.

Here are some further resources to help you prepare for the comparative response (Task 4):

The Meaning of the Western Movie – runs through values

The Code of the Western – general info

Critical Reading – Gender Representation in Western and Road Genre Films

Consider this structure as a suitable framework for a comparative response. Please note that this isn’t the ONLY way in which texts might be compared:

So…

1. Start with your introduction. This needs to include as many transition markers as possible. A list of these is contained in the downloadable version of the modelled response in the previous post. So… You’ll need to use words like ‘both’ and ‘similarly’ to establish strong links between the texts.
2. Your FIRST TOPIC SENTENCE needs to also establish a point of comparison between your two texts and establish a clear argument. It should should establish HOW you are going to compare your two texts and what you’re going to focus on- specifically- to compare the texts.
3. Then… your FIRST BODY PARAGRAPH will focus on your first text.
4. Your SECOND BODY PARAGRAPH will then focus on your SECOND TEXT. The TOPIC SENTENCE of your SECOND BODY PARAGRAPH will establish a link between your SECOND TEXT and your FIRST TEXT.
5. At the end of your SECOND BODY PARAGRAPH, your linking sentence will summarise the links between BOTH TEXTS
6. Your THIRD BODY PARAGRAPH will then focus back on your FIRST TEXT. TOPIC SENTENCE will establish further links between the two texts.
7. Your FOURTH BODY PARAGRAPH will then return to your second text.
8. Your conclusion will then summarise your points of comparison and the arguments you posed in establishing links between your texts.

Please see the modelled example for an illustration of how this might look. As ever, let me know if you have any questions.

Please note the model answer (reproduced from the Good Answers guide 2019) below. I’ve also attached a link underneath to a PDF of the whole response for you to download. 

Page One

PageTwo

Page Three

Comparative Question Model Answer ANNOTATED Good Answers 2019

Teaching and Learning Points:

• How and why the response is successful using the overview on the first page. Text knowledge, writing in an articulate manner, structuring your response clearly/consistently and understanding how the text(s) were constructed are ESSENTIAL to a successful response to this section of the WACE examination.
• How the introduction establishes points of comparison clearly and consistently.
• How the topic sentences work to offer consistent points of comparison
• The balance between context and content of texts. Does this response offer too much context in places, or does the context allow the candidate to widen their argument?
• The overall structure of the response and how the candidate uses topic sentences to draw comparisons between the texts but uses the body paragraphs to focus on one text at a time. It’s the topic sentences which do a lot of heavy lifting!
• Knowledge and understanding of how each text was constructed to promote specific ideas. There’s a strong understanding of selected conventions which elevates this response.
• Sentence structure has to be more complex when writing about more than one text and those transition markers do affect the ways in which you engage with texts and their ideas.
• Note the list of transition markers on the last page (of the downloadable version) and how these have been identified in the model answer. You can see how consistently those points of comparison are promoted.
• Body paragraph structure is consistent.
• Discourse is sophisticated. Note how the candidate refers to the CONSTRUCTION of character (rather than, simply, characterisation) because CONSTRUCTION invites an exploration of HOW they were constructed.

Top scenes/most important/most significant

High Noon

1. Resolution- When Kane throws the tin star to the ground.
2. Helen Ramirez & Amy Kane’s conversation.
3. When Amy shoots Frank Miller and the moral conflict which is pretty apparent.
4. When Kane turns the carriage around at the start of the film.
5. The church scene.
6. Kane walks into the saloon bar and is rejected.
7. When Amy tries to give Kane an ultimatum.
8. The conversation Kane has with his predecessor.
9. When Kane writes out his will.

The Dressmaker

1. ‘I’m back you bastards…’
2. Resolution and the conductor notices the fire raging in the background.
3. Teddy and Tilly at the school- flashbacks.
4. Molly mentions the curse in the grocery store.
5. Molly dying.
6. The footie match.
7. Teddy dying.
8. Gertrude’s transformation.
9. Pettyman’s death.
10. The torching of the house and the town.
11. When Pettyman, effectively, rapes his wife.

Please note the PowerPoint (below) which is an EXCELLENT resource for studying High Noon.

Western Genre – High Noon

Below is a link to an EXCELLENT resource on narrative conventions. This would be really useful for Section 3 (Composing). It would also be REALLY useful for Section 1 (Comprehending) to build up your technical language.

Please save a copy for your records because this is bound to come in handy.

narrative conventions glossary

Task 3- Short Answer Responses to Non-Fiction Texts

Please note the resources below, which will help you with this task.

Analysis of a feature article

comprehending scaffold

Image response practice

Non-Fiction Comprehension Section Examples

Non-Fiction Study and Examples

Persuasive-Language-Techniques

Soldier and Children Image

Techniques for Analysing a Visual Text

Analysing Visual Texts

Please take your time to have a look at the resources below, which should help you with your narrative writing. It’s important that you are all actively engaged in building your vocabulary as your examiner will expect to see you control the language you use and to use it with precision.

100 ways to say Bad

100 ways to say Great

190 Ways to say Said

Better Ways to Say Bad

Chapt 5_Short Story

Narrative Elements Chart

Words to say Great