Formative Feedback Year 12 ATAR English Task 1 2021

Please use the attached document to prepare effectively for your first assessment in Year 12 ATAR English. This document also contains an effective/successful response which has been reproduced from the Good Answers (2019) guide produced by the ETAWA.

Thought you might like this resource, just to remind you of some common principles regarding extended response structure.

Let’s look at the introduction…

1. Global sentence deals with the issue of the question and text in the broadest possible terms. It there to simply engage the reader.
2. Introduce text. Make sure you include genre, title, author/producer, when it was released/produced.
3. Keep any plot overview at a minimum. No more than two sentences.
4. Key ideas you’re going to explore in your extended response. Key concepts.
5. Thesis statement.

Let’s think about what an effective thesis statement should look like:

1. It should be a direct response to the question.
2. It should establish a clear argument.
3. It is written as a statement.
4. Is as focused as possible.

So… How does that translate into your body paragraphs?

Well… Body Paragraph 1 should contain your STRONGEST argument.

1. The topic sentence should be text-specific and establish a clear argument and link explicitly to your thesis statement.
2. This is important because your examiner will want to see that you can establish and maintain a cohesive argument, rather than your extended response being a collection of unrelated observations on the text you’re writing about.
3. Your evidence should be short, it should be relevant and it should do more than just summarise content.
4. When you use quotations/evidence, you need to ensure that you show why they are significant, why they’re important.

The Body Paragraphs should ALSO address the HOW of the question. This might be the conventions of the text type, SWAT codes, language features… that kind of thing.

Finally, you need a sentence at the end of the your body paragraph which links back to the topic sentence and summarises your argument.

All you then need to do is repeat the process for Body Paragraph 2 and Body Paragraph 3.

But, I hear you ask, what do I write for my conclusion.

Well… a conclusion is merely a summary of your argument, it is a synthesis of the points you’ve raised and a final reflection. Read your thesis statement and your topic sentences. If you’ve done your job properly, these should contain the main points of your central argument. If you’ve not written an effective thesis statement, and your topic sentences don’t establish an argument (or a development of your thesis statement), then you don’t have an argument to conclude anyway!

The final sentence of your conclusion should be something that is thought-provoking, summative and crystallises the argument you’ve proposed.

Hopefully this all makes sense!

Year 12 ATAR English Semester 2 2020 Markers Report COLLATED

Please note the attachment above. This is your Semester 2 examination report. It has also been uploaded to SEQTA and placed on the cover page for your course.

Please use the information contained in this document to reflect on your performance, to set targets and to consolidate the many effective things you did in your Semester 2 examination.

As ever, please engage with your class teacher should you have any questions.

On behalf of the English Department, I would like to wish you all well for your forthcoming examinations.

Please note the screenshot below which deconstructs a question on ‘The Road’

Things to consider:

• The question is located in the centre of the image. It asks the candidate to explore how the text was constructed/generic conventions to position a response to a particular issue.
• I wanted to deconstruct the question and identify the key discriminators before going any further. Please note that the assessment criteria refers to engagement with the question, so we need to understand what the question is asking of us before we begin planning.
• The question refers to ‘generic conventions’ so I listed a few of these, though the list is not exhaustive/definitive. I simply listed the ones that are perhaps most relevant to a discussion of ‘The Road’.
• I then listed what ‘issues’ the text promotes. It would be best to write about the issues which affected you most so that you’re writing from a position of integrity. You are advised going into any assessment armed with what YOU know about the text rather than trying to remember what a teacher told you on a wintery afternoon or what you read in a study guide while you were revising.
• I then constructed my thesis statement around these ideas.
• This then lead to me reflecting on what extracts from the text would BEST exemplify the thesis statement I’d just written.
• I then applied the generic conventions to these and linked them back to the question itself.

The extended response is now planned and ready to be written.

Think about this as a process. Get your thinking in the right order and you won’t go far wrong.

Hope this makes sense.

In today’s lesson, we’ve been exploring possible structures and frameworks for a persuasive speech. The image below is a rather rough outline of possible ways to open these kinds of text.

One possible way is to begin your text with an anecdote, the human story. Please have a look at the image below to see what this might look like in practice:

This speech uses the hospitality sector as its context and the audience (which is implied rather than directly stated) are restaurant owners.

In this first example, note:

• How the anecdote establishes a relationship between the speaker and the audience.
• The setting of the restaurant is described using hyerbole. You CAN and SHOULD use what you know about narrative writing in persuasive texts to build that sense of drama, that sense of theatre. Take risks with language!
• I’ve used an ellipsis to add drama, the dramatic pause.
• I’ve used alliteration.
• I’ve used short sentences to add drama.
• Note how the tone shifts in the second paragraph to a more formal one.
• Inclusive language to establish relationship between speaker and audience.

The second version (below) adopts a more formal tone throughout:

The context, audience and purpose of this version is entirely the same, but:

• The tone is more consistent.
• Starts with a more formal statement, which establishes the context of the speech.
• Still uses hyperbole to gain the interest of the audience.
• Context, audience and purpose are implied rather than directly stated.
• Inclusive language.
• Alliteration.
• Ellipsis and short sentences to add drama/impact/theatre.
• Not sure if the partial refutation in the opening paragraph works. Think about whether it does or not, but it was designed to create a ‘them and us’ scenario which builds on the sense of injustice established earlier when I talk about how poorly paid people who wait tables are.

In short, how you open a persuasive text largely depends on the context, audience and purpose of your response.

Please use this link to access our library’s extensive list of writing resources:

URL: https://library.ststephens.wa.edu.au/library/writing

There’s some really good stuff there on writing thesis statements, deconstructing questions, writing extended responses… and so much more.

Please note these resources, which will help you over the coming weeks in preparing for your next assessment. Please note there are some sample speeches here, from John Pilger (an Australian journalist) to those delivered by former Prime Ministers of Australia. There are glossaries of persuasive devices which you can use and explore at your leisure. All we DO ask is that you DO look at these resources carefully…

Eight Steps to Persuade

PATHOS ETHOS AND LOGOS

List of Common Persuasive Devices

HOW TO WRITE A PERSUASIVE SPEECH

Persuasive+Language+Teaching+Resource

Speech Writing Tips

Sorry Speech

Redfern Address

Pilger’s 2009 Sydney Peace Prize Acceptance Speech

Rudd Apology Extract- Annotated Structure Page 1

Rudd Apology Extract- Annotated Structure Page 2

Persuasive Devices ATAR

Persuasive Communication in Todays Curriculum

Your next in-class assessment is provisionally planned for Week 2 of Term 3 so it’s vitally important that you add as much value as possible to your preparation for this.

As with all things, please speak to your class teacher if you are unsure. We will be using some (though not all) of these resources in class.

The following question was taken from the 2019 Semester 1 Year 12 ATAR English examination produced by the ETAWA:

Create a persuasive text aimed at a teenage audience which starts with an anecdote.

Question Deconstruction and Planning 

As with all questions, we need to break it down and make sure that we understand what the question is asking of us. We need to understand what the key discriminators are and get our thoughts organised before we begin writing.

Let’s break this question down…

1. ‘persuasive text’- this means the text of a speech that might be performed in front of a teenage audience. This is your AUDIENCE.
2. ‘teenage audience’- while this is your AUDIENCE, you also need to consider the CONTEXT of your persuasive text. Is it performed at a school assembly? An awards night? At a conference where many schools have congregated?
3. PURPOSE- what is your speech going to be about? What is the content? Is it appropriate and relevant to a teenage audience?
4. Do you know what an ‘anecdote’ is? (Definition- a short story or an interesting or entertaining incident)

Possible Topics 

Climate change

#Metoo

Gender equality… Yeah… this one.

Social media

Instagram and its effect on body image

Cyberbullying

University- the first year

Environmental issues- recycling etc.

Race

Cultural change

Lowering the age to vote

Sample Response (Gender Equality) 

I lead a very glamorous life. VERY. Some might even say that I’m living the dream and I guess I am. So… here’s a real, authentic and honest account of a shopping trip to Coles. I was pushing my fully-laden trolley down the cleaning products isle when a woman remarked to me that I was very brave. It took me a moment to process what she said, before she pointed at my bright pink fingernails. My daughters often ‘treat’ me to a manicure and this week, their chosen colour was hot pink. And there I was in Coles not really aware of anything much, other than trying to get the shopping done with minimum fuss. My only response was a muttered, stuttered ‘thanks’ and I continued shunting my recalcitrant trolley onwards. But then I thought… ‘How the hell are my hot pink fingernails a symbol of bravery?’ Have I reached the apex of bravery by being seen IN PUBLIC with bright pink fingernails? And what would the people in war-torn countries, asylum seekers on perilous seas in rickety boats or a soldier with a gun in their hand think?

In truth, the answer is perfectly simple and it’s ludicrous to think that a middle-aged man strutting his stuff with hot pink fingernails is in anyway brave at all. It isn’t. Or, at least, it shouldn’t be as the gender binary is slowly being challenged and contested. As it should be. We are gathered here today to promote not only gender equality but to show our authentic face to the world and to make no apologies for it You, the adults of tomorrow, have an opportunity to construct the world in your image and what a joyous image it will be if a teenager doesn’t feel guilty about their identity, that a young person doesn’t feel guilty about who they are, or feel that they have to live a lie. Gender identity is one of the most pressing issues facing teenagers today. This convention of young people here assembled has the power to ensure no-one lives a lie anymore.

I’m horrified every time I walk into a toy shop. The stark reality is that the gender binary exists- in all its forms- whenever I’m asked to buy a present for one my daughter’s friends. The girls’ section is littered, splashed, dominated by pinks and purples, dolls and domesticity, glitter and gloss. The boys’? construction, cars, tools, science stuff. This is outrageous. Do we even stop to consider that one day our boys might be parents and that looking after a baby might be a skill worth learning? Or at least being a caring human being. I find it all quite exhausting. It really doesn’t challenge anyone’s construction of gender if a boy chooses to play with a doll, or wants to do ballet and why should it anyway?

Planning- Rest of Response

My sample response would include the following sections if I was to continue writing…

I’d go on to look at Billy Elliot (film) as an example.

Might offer a refutation/rebuttal.

Perhaps find some statistics to back this up. That the gender binary is being contested.

An appeal to our sense of values… that we want people to grow up to be their best selves, to be empathetic, to judge people on the ‘content of their character’, not by how they look.

Then I’d end with an appeal to paint your nails with pride, dance like no-one’s watching and to live an authentic self.

Teaching and Learning Points

• I deconstructed the question BEFORE I began writing my response so that I had a very clear sense of direction. It’s important that you have a focused approach, particularly in deciding what the PURPOSE of your persuasive text is going to be BEFORE you begin writing.
• I SHOW my audience my context, audience and purpose… I don’t TELL them it. There’s a difference.
• First two sentences are a weak attempt at humour. I wanted to contrast the ‘glamourous life’ and ‘living the dream’ with something very mundane… shopping at Coles.
• ‘fully-laden trolley’ is storytelling, it’s being descriptive and setting the scene for the audience. It adds to the narrative.
• The anecdote starts off innocently and then changes into something more serious… challenging the notion of ‘bravery’.
• There’s a rhetorical question in there to show my incredulity.
• Notice the short sentences in the second paragraph to make my point in a short, sharp manner. They’re used for impact and to make the point to-the-point.
• Notice the repetition in this paragraph to reinforce my message.
• Notice the alliteration of ‘live a lie’ to reinforce my message.
• Final sentence of the second paragraph gives the context of the persuasive text.
• Second paragraph becomes more emotive.
• I use hyperbole in the first sentence of the third paragraph. Being ‘horrified’ in a top shop is a gross exaggeration used to prove my point.
• There’s a few triplets in this paragraph.
• Note the use of alliteration to unify the imagery I use at this point.
• More emotive language- ‘outrageous’.
• The planning of the rest of the response shows that I would use some facts to support my argument, that I would appeal to my audience’s values and that I would offer an appeal at the end to not judge people by their appearance but by the ‘content of their character’. This, by the way, is an intertextual reference to Martin Luther King’s ‘I Have a Dream’ speech.

As you can see, I’ve used a reasonable range of persuasive devices (rhetorical questions, triplets, emotive language, alliteration, anecdotes, repetition) as well as SHOWING my audience my context, audience and purpose without TELLING them it. The planning shows that I’d want to offer further proofs (facts and an appeal to values/justice) before getting to the emotional climax of my speech and offering a solution or, at least, a challenge to the audience to go out into the world to live their best lives.

…. And arrive at a thesis statement and topic sentences for three body paragraphs.

Please note the following image, which deconstructs the question (in the centre of the image) and arrives at not only a thesis statement, but three arguments for my body paragraphs.

For the purpose of the question, I’ve explored The Dressmaker, and the central character, Tilly Dunnage.

1. Deconstruct the question using the SCSA syllabus glossary at the back of the syllabus as well as the generic one used in the formulation of questions. These are available on the SCSA website: https://senior-secondary.scsa.wa.edu.au/syllabus-and-support-materials/english/english2
2. Apply the text to the question.
3. Select specific points in your chosen text which will form the basis of your body paragraphs.
4. Devise your thesis statement
5. Define the arguments for your body paragraphs.

Things to note:

1. This looks like a lengthy process, but much of this can be done in your interrogation of the question. This is as much about defining a process rather than what it might look like when you’re planning in an exam.
2. The thesis statement includes reference to the key words from the question.
3. The arguments for the body paragraphs are explicitly linked to the thesis statement. It’s one cohesive argument.
4. This needs practice!

As you know, your Semester 1 examinations take place in Week 7. Week 6 is an assessment-free week in which you’ll be expected to use your lesson time wisely in order to prepare for this examination as effectively (and efficiently) as possible.

Here is a list of possible tasks which you might complete in order to address any targets, areas for development and to work formatively to ensure you have every possible chance of success.

• Organising notes on set texts into the following categories: genre, themes, conventions, representations of people and groups of people, ideas, values. This will be good preparation for the Responding Section. Remember that you need to know ALL your set texts forensically well to give you the best chance in your Semester 1 examination. You can’t rely on knowing one text well and hope the questions suit it.
• Practice short answer responses for the Comprehending Section, particularly when writing about unseen fiction and non-fiction texts.
• Revise image analysis conventions.
• Practice introductions, including constructing effective/focused thesis statements.
• Revise body paragraph structure- TEEL- and how effective/focused topic sentences should logically extend from the thesis statement.
• Revise narrative elements and short story structure.
• Consolidate your understanding of how to deconstruct questions quickly and effectively.
• Practice planning responses in 5min bursts.
• Read through past assessments and use them to set targets for your examination.
• Write responses under timed conditions.
• Look at past questions.
• Research your set texts even further.
• Use the Year 12 ATAR English blog to find resources on each set text and summarise their contents.
• Make cue cards to revise from for each set text.
• Complete a retrieval chart for each set text. Attached to the lesson plan.