Please look carefully at the opening to a narrative response below and please note the annotations:

The main teaching and learning points are listed below:

• The opening sentence orientates the reader to a possible/potential location for the narrative and gives us the temporal context for the narrative- it’s early morning and daylight is breaking.
• The young man is ‘crumpled’ much like the newspapers he’s covered with. The newspapers are symbolic of being discarded, they are worthless and forgotten about… much like him.
• the setting also works on a symbolic level as it’s clearly an abandoned building. The young man is also constructed as abandoned.
• The cold which ‘knifed’ him is used metaphorically here. It’s an intertextual reference to a Wilfred Owen poem ‘Exposure’ but it’s used her to show how punishing the winds are. They are cutting and cold.
• The ‘furtive’ attempt at finding shelter is meant to show how secretive his quest to find shelter is. The word renders him invisible.
• ‘Any shelter’. I shorted the syntax here to echo his desperation.
• The question ‘Why?’ is deliberately left open-ended to get the reader to ask what the question might be… and what the possible answer might be to it.
• ‘Cocoon’ is used ironically here. Cocoons are meant to a place of comfort but his cocoon is anything but.
• The verb ‘staggered’ gets the reader asking questions about why the young man is staggering.

In short, the paragraph above is designed to get the reader asking questions, it’s meant to engage them and immerse them in the narrative. The next part of the narrative would need to pick up the pace…

Please note the dot points below which represent feedback on one of the student presentations. You will need to use this feedback to modify your own presentations to ensure they are as effective as possible.

9. PRACTICE RESPONSE

• Comparing the voices in Murdeball and one other text on disability.
• Starts clearly enough. Could speak a little slower.
• PPT slides could stay visible slightly longer and would need more explanation.
• Pace is a little too quick for me.
• Images look OK and are well selected. Well-chosen quotations from the text also.
• Effective knowledge of the text.
• Moved on to masculinity- ‘Macho man thing’. Quite a brief clip but well chosen.
• Could’ve spent a little longer constructing the masculine stereotype.
• Second clip was more effective- slightly longer which gives a little more context.
• Insight into the clip but could’ve been more precise in analysis, the word ‘chick’ for example objectifies women. Be braver in terms of exploring how gender is constructed here.
• Moved onto the ‘Diving Bell and the Butterfly’.
• Make sure you mention that this text is a memoir.
• Remember to leave slides long enough on the screen for people to absorb content.
• Effective quotation from the text.
• Try and analyse the language choices a little more. This would offer more insight into text construction.
• Texts are linked well and effectively.
• Presentation from both students of a high quality.
• Well organised.
• Well planned.
• Could be more concise in places. Began to ramble a little towards the end. Think you lost a little bit of focus on the text’s construction.
• Liked how the links were exemplified at the end, though that slide had perhaps too much information.
• Knew texts well and offered insight.
• Both spoke clearly.
• Structured clearly.
• Memoir not book!

• Slow down a little more and keep some of the slides on the screen for a little longer.
• Pace of delivery could be slower at times.
• Text construction could be privileged a little more. Could offer more insight into language choices (dialogue and text) in places.

ATAR English Task 5-1pgzm0d

Please note the task sheet is also available for download from SEQTA.

I’m looking for the following things from your presentation:

• It should last between 5-7 minutes. It should be no shorter than 4 mins 30 seconds and no longer than 8 minutes.
• The presentation should be multi-modal- It should include images, text, and moving image media.
• It should contain NEW information and not simply rehash the content covered in class. I want to learn something NEW about your chosen text.
• Sustained and detailed analysis of text construction.
• Knowledge of genre.
• Specific generic conventions.
• Structured clearly.
• Well-organised.
• Speak clearly. DON’T read from the screen or prepared notes.
• Evidence of planning.

Sample Questions_for students[1]-1mjl1ir

Above are a number of questions which might be used as practice questions in advance of your assessment on ‘High Noon’ and ‘The Dressmaker’ this week.

Please note that the assessment is 60 minutes in duration and the questions are unseen. No notes will be permitted in the assessment and you are reminded to leave your mobile ‘phone in your locker as per our school assessment policy.

Below is a screenshot of the modelled example from today’s lesson. Please note the annotations in both green and red.

There are a number of features to note in this modelled example:

• The structure of this paragraph is exactly the same as the previous modelled paragraphs I’ve given you.
• Please note the use of COMPARING and CONTRASTING connectives (you’ve been given a list of these in a previous lesson) to signpost both similarities and differences between the texts.
• There is a strong sense of textual analysis in this paragraph and there is reference to symbolism.
• The topic sentence is text-based/text-specific and establishes what the paragraph is going to be about- the symbolism and power of the clothes worn by the central characters.
• I refer to specific points in the text.
• There is only a VERY limited amount of plot narration. I’ve assumed that the person marking/assessing this response is familiar with each text.
• The paragraph is limited in terms of content, purely because of the space on my whiteboard. There’s more I could’ve said about each text in terms of how they might be compared.
• I’ve tried to model sophisticated language and to offer more precision in my argument.
• Titles of texts are underlined.
• The topic sentence builds explicitly on the thesis statement provided in the introduction and develops the argument promoted by the other two body paragraphs I gave you.

It is important that you use the modelled examples I’ve given you to consolidate your understanding of STRUCTURE. The ideas in your own body paragraphs should be your own. There is an expectation that your assessments next week will embrace the structures and frameworks I’ve given you but you’ll need to ensure you have practiced them before you sit your assessment next week.

Below is a screenshot of an annotated modelled example based on the question deconstruction from a previous lesson:

You need to note the following structure:

1. The topic sentence links explicitly to the thesis statement at the end of the modelled introduction.
2. The second sentence gives some context to the analysis which then follows.
3. The third sentence/section contains analysis/insight into the text construction- including reference to specific generic conventions.
4. The final sentence links back to the thesis statement and topic sentence.

In other words, it follows the ‘TEEL’ structure in an entirely clear manner.

Attached below are the body paragraphs themselves (un-annotated):

Responding Section Body Paragraphs-1gc5bsw

These paragraphs offer a comparative approach to writing about more than one text. The second body paragraph (on The Dressmaker) suggests a difference between this text and the first text written about (High Noon).

Please note that these paragraphs are sample/model paragraphs and therefore don’t contain ALL that could be said about the resolution of each text. There is more than can be said about each text and I would expect your paragraphs to include more detail.

However, I want you understand the STRUCTURE of an effective body paragraph and be able to apply this structure to your own work, your own ideas.

Please note the sample introduction (below) as a model for writing a comparative response to a question in the Responding Section of the examination.

The overall structure of an effective introduction is written in green in the top right-hand corner of the image above. Please make sure you practise the structure of effective introductions as this in the most important paragraph in your response.

Please note the question deconstruction below. It uses two glossaries from the SCSA website.

• There is a glossary which is used in the formulation of questions- http://senior-secondary.scsa.wa.edu.au/__data/assets/pdf_file/0006/348549/Glossary-of-key-words-used-in-the-formulation-of-questions.pdf
• There is a glossary which is subject-specific and is found in Appendix 2 at the back of the syllabus document. https://wace1516.scsa.wa.edu.au/__data/assets/pdf_file/0003/5754/English-Y12-Syllabus-AC-ATAR-GD.pdf

Both documents are available on the cover page of SEQTA.

We will be using this plan, the connectives document I gave you as well as the sample questions to begin writing our own responses to the question. We’ll revise introduction and body paragraph structure too.

The screenshot above shows how effective planning can lead to an effective thesis statement.

When comparing texts (and remember… comparing means to look for similarities AND differences), you are expected to make the links between the texts explicit and clear. One way of doing this, is to use connectives. Here is a PowerPoint which contains some key words you’ll be expected to use in your next assessment:

types_of_connectives-1yot7ev

Attached below are two model answers (taken from the ‘Good Answers 2017’ guide) which we will explore in terms of their structure and academic discourse:

Responding Section- Modelled Responses-1spq8v8

You may wish to explore the assessment criteria for your upcoming assessment. A copy of this can be found below:

COMPARISON TABLE- HIgh Noon and Dressmaker-2kczu7f

In preparation for your assessment, please complete the attached table in as much detail as possible, paying close attention to how each text is constructed through generic convention.

Make sure you have notes on:

• Archetype and how each text either endorses or rejects the hero/villain/victim archetype
• How these archetypes are constructed through generic convention.